Many years back, I was at a meeting. The cute mother who was chosen to give an uplifting message, provided a thought on the value of partaking in genuine spontaneous play with our children. She shared a lovely moment that she had experienced with her daughter in silly imaginative play and the joy and love it engendered.
Why I wasn’t that sponge that drew in the grace of her beautiful example, was due to the fact that I was older and more experienced. Yes, frankly I was threatened and ego driven! I lamely commented as if I were imparting more wisdom, that I spent a lot of time, scads of time even, with my children, teaching and instructing. Maybe I even said, “That’s really Dad’s role, being silly, it feels totally awkward to me, and I build the relationship in other important ways.”
The lovely mother swallowed my negativity as if it were actually wisdom and that I wasn’t being totally defensive. It didn’t seem to ruffle her, at all even. She’s a true doll, gem and saint of a woman.
Yes, I did value play, even deeply. I encouraged imaginative play for my children between siblings, took them to parks and created play dates. I even occasionally did play with them myself or made up a story to tell them. And certainly I was at a much better place than when a year or two prior, when I, at a place of dogged motherhood survival, was only going through the motions of quality mothering and recall hearing a pivotal question, “Do you laugh with your children, or even inwardly chuckle?” Maybe I was grimacing more often than not at this point! Pondering this layer upon layer, was transforming me slowly.
But the point is, if I embraced my friend’s lovely thought and with it, all the vulnerability of playing with my children more often, I could have been happier and less stressed, and my children could be happier and more securely and healthily attached to me. But instead, at that point, I essentially dismissed her message, as if I had no more time and energy for, nor was suited toward, yes, vulnerable, but delightful and joy sparking, play.
From nidirect government services, we learn about the importance of play.
How play helps children’s development
Play improves the cognitive, physical, social, and emotional well-being of children and young people.
Through play, children learn about the world and themselves.
They also learn skills they need for study, work and relationships such as:
nidirect government services
- confidence
- self-esteem
- resilience
- interaction
- social skills
- independence
- curiosity
- coping with challenging situations
We also learn from nidirect government services, how an adult can enter this child directed world. Admittedly, it is awkward to let the child take the lead. I like to think of it as speaking a secondary language. When someone puts aside their native tongue and speaks to us in a secondary language so that they can speak to us in our own native tongue, there is a special bond of service and connected-ness that is created. Recall that the child is most frequently asked to part from their native tongue of play and timelessness, to our foreign adult world of time, and of tasks and duties that they do not know how to do, nor understand the reasons for. So it really is a bonding courtesy to speak the child’s native tongue, with them.
Playful parenting
Through play, parents can connect fully with their children and have fun.
A parent or carer can support and take part in their child’s play activities but they shouldn’t direct what happens.
It’s important they give their children time, freedom and choice to play. If an adult makes all the decisions about how, what and when their child plays, the child won’t enjoy their play experiences.
nidirect government services
The other day, I decided to provide a cozy nurturing experience for my child at bedtime,and so invited them to ‘snuggle’ with me on my bed, maybe a story was involved. All the sudden, that got way more exciting than I could tolerate, when the child suggested we play “Steamroller.” And was wanting to roll on top of me, or brother, and possibly right off the bed!! So although I nixed the idea for the time being, already ‘stretching’ to take time to snuggle, a week or so later, I brought his idea back when I felt I did have it to give. Instead of on my bed, I asked if the child now wanted to play “Steamroller”, on our carpeted front room floor. He was thrilled that I remembered his idea.
Rome wasn’t built in one day, and we are all at different points in our path toward joining our children in their world of play sometimes. But like learning to play an instrument, we can try. We can practice. When it happens, it is so fun, even magical…and I believe it does wonderful things for our well being, theirs, and does wonders for the relationship. I truly wish I had played much more with my oldest children, when they were small. They say that time flies and really, it stands still, crawls, jogs, flies, and then, their childhood disappears. I get it if it doesn’t seem extremely pertinent. I was there. I’ll be providing more posts on how we can baby step into it, and get ourselves in a mindset for it. It still isn’t my native language, and I need this blog, to help me remember. To play. To be playful with them, and to play together, on their terms.